To say that Abigail was anxious would be an understimation. She was simply terrified of what she had done, of what she was going to do. At the same time, it was more complicated than that, because she also felt a rather peculiar kind of joy. She was free at last, and this fact caused extreme exaltation in the deepest core of her very being. At long last, she had seized control over her own life, after all those months of utter helplessness and dependency. After her father tried to slit her throat, Abigail became a prisoner of her own body, during the whole period when she was in coma. After she more or less recovered in terms of physical well-being, she was doomed for another type of imprisonment, because it had been decided that her psychical trauma needed more attention and care from psychiatrists, and therefore she was incarcerated behind the walls of mental hospital. Furthermore, when she was so close to her life outside of someone else’s care, she had no other choice but to fake her own death, because otherwise she would have died for real. Abigail didn’t want to die, she was too desperate to preserve whatever was left from her miserable life. So she conformed, she allowed Hannibal to control and manipulate her. Only to survive. Only because she trusted him enough to believe that he would take care of her. But she could not do that any longer. She got her chance to escape and she was not going to waste it, even if it meant putting Will in danger. Sure thing, Abigail cared for him and did not mean any harm, but she cared for herself even more. If her own survival demanded betrayal, she was ready to do so in a blink of an eye. And so she did. And she was free to go wherever she wanted to, but not really. She knew Hannibal well enough to understand that he would not let her go so easily. He would try to find her, so she had to do her best in order to run away from him as fast as she possibly could.

Abigail was afraid to use public transport. Although she was really good at hiding her real identity, she was still so goddamn scared of being noticed. Too many people on the buses, all those cameras in the buildings of railway stations, same cameras all over airports. Too many risks to take, too many chances to be seen. So as soon as she dumped Will and managed to get as far from him as she could, Abigail ended up on the road, in the dark of the early evening, hitchhiking. Surely, she was aware that it was dangerous, but what other choice did she have? After considering it, she came to the conclusion that there was nothing else she could do to get to another city or, perhaps, even to another state. After all, she was perfectly capable of protecting herself from all kinds of perverts, criminals, or average weirdos. She had a knife in the hidden inner pocket of her coat, another one secured in her right boot, and yet one more in her backpack. She knew where to punch to cause enough pain in order to distract an attacker for a long while, and she was aware of those special weak points on human body that hurt the most and could lead to unconsciousness. You may say, she was very well prepared for a life on her own. So she waited. And waited. And stood there by the side of the road, because none of the numerous cars driving by did not notice her. She did not really care where to go, unless it was Baltimore, and yet no one would stop for her even to ask where she was heading. No one really cared, as usual. Until the moment one of the cars actually stopped. Abigail tensed a bit, but immediately relaxed when she saw a young girl behind the wheel, not older than herself. Of course, she knew that young girls could be as dangerous as anyone else, since she was a living example of it. But this one did not seem dangerous. Abigail could tell, she learned to notice little signs of possible risks, and could sense volatile people right away. This one was harmless. And she had a pretty nice car. What is more, she was the first to offer a ride, so why refuse? Abigail did not have much time, not really.
– Hey, – she smiled amiably at the girl, attempting to appear as friendly and innocent as possible. She used the same mask of friendliness when she had been luring her father’s victims to their deaths, but she did not want to think about it, not now. – Yeah, I guess you could say that I need a lift right now. Thank you for stopping, it is getting cold out here, and none of other drivers seem to care, – Abigail hugged her shoulders and pretended to shiver rather demonstratively. She smiled again though, and, without waiting for a direct invitation, slipped into the car, right onto the passenger seat.
– I just need to get to any city. Or a large town. Just no small towns, please. I can pay you for the gas if you want me to, it’s alright with me.
While Abigail was fastening her seatbelt, she remembered that there was something she had forgotten to tell.
– Oh, by the way, I’m… Marissa. And what should I call you?
She wasn’t quite sure why she picked the name which belonged to her dead best friend. It just happened. She only hoped that she did not sound as fake as she felt.

Отредактировано Abigail Hobbs (2015-10-29 14:11:31)

So far it looked like Abigail was not wrong about the girl. Apart from a rather weird name, there was nothing unusual about Impala – she appeared perfectly normal and did not display any of the disturbing signs, which Abigail always looked out for. Well, maybe it was a little weird that such a young girl would end up driving outside of the town so late in the evening, but Abigail did not really know how old Impala was. Maybe she only looked young, but, in fact, she was twenty-five or something. Abigail preferred to regard it this way, because she was too tired to be paranoid. She needed a break, her nervous system was exhausted, and she still could not stop worrying about getting caught. At the moment, she did not want to be herself anymore, because it was so much easier to be “Marissa”, and not to have any care in the world. That would have been nice. That would have been really refreshing.
– What? The strangers’ syndrome? – Abigail had to ask again, because she got so absorbed into her own thoughts that she was not even sure that she had heard Impala correctly. – That’s funny, I have been reading a lot about psychology, psychiatry, and all that kind of stuff, but I have never stumbled upon this particular syndrome. Never even heard it being mentioned before, – she shrugged her shoulders and smiled lightly. She did not claim to possess all of the psychological knowledge in the world, but still she hesitated that such syndrome even existed. While remaining under Hannibal’s protection, she learned so much in terms of psychiatry that she felt as if she already had a college degree. But to imply that Impala was talking nonsense would have been impolite and insensitive, so Abigail kept her thoughts to herself.
– But let me guess. I’m pretty sure that what you mean is this lingering feeling in your gut, which never really leaves you, no matter what you do, where you are, or who you are with. The feeling of not belonging. You see different places, meet all kinds of people, have various experiences, and yet something is missing inside of you. And this absence hurts like hell. It’s like a throbbing phantom pain of an amputated limb, although you may be perfectly whole on the outside. But on the inside you are not, because there is some kind of defect which causes you to always feel alienated, detached. Try as you might, but you can never feel like you truly belong somewhere. Or with someone. Because you’re always a stranger and never a part of your surroundings. Even if other people perceive you as one of them, you feel that everything inside of you just wouldn’t settle in. And so you run. You desperately search for somewhere to belong to, but you cannot get rid of this pain, this all-absorbing emptiness…
Abigail stopped talking rather abruptly, realizing that she was saying too much. She was projecting her own feelings onto Impala, and it was a typical psychological mistake in social communication. Besides, why would she even mention such things in the presence of the girl whom she just met? It made no sense. It only proved that her state of mind of a mess.
– Well, that was one long and boring explanation, but you get the gist of it, right? Am I guessing correctly? – she flashed another smile, as if it was all a joke and nothing really mattered in that car. Just a moment later, she noticed something disturbing in the rear-view mirror, so she looked closer to make sure that she was not mistaken. Unfortunately, she was right. There weren’t many vehicles on the dark narrow road, so it was easy to see that a police car was following them with flashing lights. That was not good. That was goddamn awful, and for a moment or so Abigail could not even say a word. They found her. Somehow they found her, and now they would not let her live her own life, incarcerating her once again. Oh, this time they will put her behind the bars for good. But how did they know? How?
– Hey, Impala? – Abigail said, trying not to sound as scared as she felt. – I think that the police are following us. You are not speeding, are you?
Oh, how she hoped that Impala was speeding! But the speedometer showed that she was not, and Abigail became even more frightened. She could not allow the police to take her freedom away from her, not again. But at the moment she could not think of any way out, so she felt trapped and helpless. Again.

“Think, think, think!” – the voice inside of Abigail’s head screamed with urgency. It was her own voice, – “Come on, you have to think of something right now”
But she had no time left. No chance to get out of this situation, out of this car. She could only wait and see what would happen next, but at that moment there was nothing else she could possibly do to save herself. She was trapped once again, reliant on other people and their actions. And how she hated to end up like this when she had though that she had escaped at last. How foolish she had been to assume that her past would let go of her so easily.
– Please, pull over and stop the car! – demanded a strict voice, speaking through the loudspeaker from the police car. There was no siren blaring, only bright blue and red emergency lights flashing. Only dry matter-of-factness of the voice, which did not even sound as if it belonged to a human being.
– Pull over right now!
The imperativeness and the surprising pressure of the demand alarmed Abigail even more. She was not completely certain as to what the police wanted from her and Impala, but she could guess that a truly serious matter was involved. Maybe they were coming for her indeed. Maybe they were going to take her away.
– You better do as they say, – she told Impala, but it was more of an insistence than a mere suggestion. – You don’t wanna fuck around with the police, believe me.
She did not usually include profanity in her everyday vocabulary – her father never allowed her to do so, and she got used to it. But now she did not care. She could not express her fear, anger and exasperation in any other way, and these emotions had to be released before meeting with the police face to face. She had to calm down, breathe deeply, smile pleasantly and look as innocent as possible. She had to be Marissa.
– Good evening, officers, – she spoke when the car was safely pulled over to a safe spot. She did not get out, as she was not yet told to do so. But two policemen were already standing so close, and the looks on their faces were so disapproving. – Is there any problem?
Her voice was as sweet as cotton candy. Her clear blue eyes looked at police officers questioningly, with a perfectly fake puzzlement reflected in her open and direct glare. She allowed some of her genuine nervousness to become evident in a slight quiver of her quiet voice, but it was another part of an act. While looking at her, police officers had to imagine their own daughters or nieces in the same situation, and thus feel sympathy for her.
– The problem is that your car is stolen, ladies, – one of the officers said, apparently unaffected by Abigail’s charm. He looked older than his partner, his dark face was deeply wrinkled, and there were patches of grey hair at his temples. – Can I see your driving licence? – that was not a question, but a request. Something impossible to refuse.
Abigail could not think of anything to say, so she just looked at Impala instead. Actually, it would have made more sense if Impala had been the one to greet the officers, but Abigail had been sure that she knew how to manage these “humble servants of law”. She had had to deal with FBI for such a long time that she had learned the most suitable type of behaviour around such people. She had learned to always be... cooperative: polite and respectful, pleasant and amiable, as helpful as possible. Listen to what they are saying.  Say as little as possible in response. It was easy. Abigail had thought that she could talk herself out of anything, but she had been wrong. She knew for sure that no matter what she would say next, they were going to take her away in any case, either as a culprit, a suspect, or a witness. They will not let her go, because it would violate the proper legal procedure. And once she would be brought to the police station, she would be doomed. Just like that.

The officers were not buying it. They were clearly not buying any of it – Abigail’s sweetness, Impala’s perfect smile, a story about a pathetic father with a drinking problem. The younger officer appeared somewhat doubtful when he took Impala’s ID in order to closely examine it, but only a moment later he was as stern-looking as before. His considerably older partner was even worse, for he kept looking at Abigail as if he knew who she really was, what she had done, and what she was capable of. As if he was more than ready to put her behind the bars as soon as possible. But she couldn’t allow him to do that. She had done too much and had gone too far to regain the control over her own life, and she sure as hell wasn’t gonna let anyone to take it away from her. Especially after considering the fact that it wasn’t her fault. She didn’t care whether Impala’s drunkard of a father was to blame for this situation or if Impala had stolen the car herself, but she simply had to get out of the potential disaster by all means. Fear gradually transformed into determination, and Abigail’s hands were no longer trembling. In fact, she managed to get one of her knives out, and she kept hiding it under her coat. She only hoped the officers hadn’t noticed it while they had been too busy examining Impala’s ID. Then she forcefully put an exaggerated dramatic expression on her face and let out a fake sigh of regret.
– I’m so sorry, but I have to tell them the truth! I don’t want to get in any more trouble, – she said, turning her face to Impala for a very brief moment. Maybe she should’ve had winked to let her companion know that she was simply fooling around, but she could not put her mask down, not even for a second. She had to be very, very careful about her every move.
– Yes, officers, this car is stolen, – she solemnly addressed the men in uniforms, and she could see that they were taken aback by her sudden honesty. – But there’s more than that. She also has her father’s drugs hidden in the trunk, and she was gonna sell them in the nearest city. I didn’t know about it until she showed me, and then I was too scared to tell the police. But, well, it’s too late now, isn’t it? It’s better to tell everything at once. So let me show you what she got hidden in there.
Abigail turned to Impala once again and pretended to hug her briefly as if to further emphasize how sorry she was.
– Please, don’t be mad at me, it’s for your own good! – she exclaimed loudly, but then her voice became a barely audible whisper, – Only one cop will come with me, the other one will stay to keep his eye on you. Take care of him. Divert his attention, knock him down unconscious, kill him if you have to. I don’t care. Just make sure that he doesn’t watch me, got it? If you won’t do it, we’re both doomed.
That being said, Abigail pulled away and walked out of the car. As she had expected, only one of the officers followed her to the trunk – the older one. He looked so endlessly tired and sleep-deprived that she almost felt sorry for him. Almost. But she did not hesitate even for a moment before opening the trunk with one hand while holding on to her knife with the other one.
– Well, I don’t see any drugs in here, miss. In fact, I don’t see anything at all, – said the officer, peeking into the empty trunk and looking genuinely puzzled.
– That’s because she has a nice hiding place in here. Don’t you see it, officer? You just have to look closer, it’s in the far end, a little bit to the right, – as she was saying this, Abigail was as polite and as nice as before. But her grip on the knife tightened.
The officer followed her advice though, and when he bent over the trunk, she did just the same. And then, she suddenly put her free arm over his ribcage as if she was going to embrace him. Her knife plunged up under his ribs and thrust up into his heart. Abigail knew how to do it well. She had had enough practice – not with people, of course, but in the end it was all the same. And the officer was a lot like a wounded animal when his knees gave out, his body weakened, and he tried to use his last moments to save himself. Too late. He was tired, he got caught off his guard, and the knife pierced his heart before he even realized what was going on. Abigail pushed his body into the trunk, although there was not enough room for him, and his long legs were sticking out. She wiped her blood-stained knife on the inside of her coat and did not feel a thing. No fear, no disgust, no self-loathing – nothing. For some reason, she remembered how her father had told her that sometimes you have to do bad things to keep worse things from happening.

Abigail felt oddly calm. Way too calm for someone who had just murdered a man in cold blood. She could not move and kept standing near the trunk, looking down on the dead body and on the rapidly spreading pool of dark blood. In the moonlight, blood looked almost black, like ink, and Abigail was rather fascinated by the look of it. She should have felt disgusted. She should have been terrified of what she had done, but she couldn’t experience the emotions which simply weren’t there. Did she feel sorry for the poor police officer? Absolutely, but it did not prevent her from thinking that murdering him was a right thing to do because it was the only choice she had. The only remorse she felt was due to the fact that she could not do anything else in order to save herself from incarceration. If there were other options, she would have considered them before plunging her knife into someone else’s heart. Ah well, it was too late now. And she had to do something with the body before other drivers could become the witnesses of her crime. But she just kept standing there as if nothing else mattered anymore, as if she was alone with the body. No risks left, no concerns, no problems, no fears. Abigail felt incredibly peaceful and powerful as she lessened the hold on her knife. This time, she even managed not to get blood on her hands.

It seemed as if she had been standing there for hours but, in fact, it was no more than a few seconds before she heard the shot. This disturbingly loud sound brought her back to reality in an instant, and she raised her head to see what had happened. It was dark, but the headlights were still on, so she could clearly see another dead body lying on the ground. Thankfully, it wasn’t Impala, but the other officer. Apparently, Abigail’s companion had understood the part about “kill him if you have to” far too literally. It did not matter, though. The man had to die anyway. Only, it was a shame that he would leave a lot of blood on the ground because Abigail wanted to get rid of all possible evidence.
– Don’t be so scared, it’s alright, – she assured Impala in a calm and steady voice as she approached the body. She was still holding the bloodied knife in her hand, although there was no need for it any longer. – You did what you had to do, and so did I. They left us no choice, do you understand? – she lied. Impala had a choice because her situation was not as bad as Abigail’s, even if she actually had drugs in her trunk. – Sure, it’s such a shame that we couldn’t avoid doing this to them, but there was nothing else we could do. So put away that gun of yours, you’re not gonna need it now. And help me carry this one into the car, – she pointed to the officer with her knife. – Also, we will have to fit the other one in the trunk, though I have no idea whatsoever as to how we’re going to manage it – he's so damn tall.
Finally, Abigail put the knife into the inner pocket of her coat. For a moment, she looked at the empty road, contemplating on what she was going to do next.
– Looks like the body is completely hidden behind the car, so no one will see it from the road, but we have to be quick nevertheless. We’ll take the officers somewhere we can bury them… do you have anything to dig with? If not, it would be better to simply leave them in some place where they will rot for a while before someone will be able to find whatever will be left of them. And as to their car… – Abigail turned her head to look at the police car, frowning at its inconvenience. – I’m not sure, maybe I should drive it to the same place where we will leave the bodies? Or should we leave it here? Each option is quite risky in its own way.
She looked back at Impala. While she had been considering how to get away with what she had done, she completely forgot how scared the girl was. Although Impala owned a gun, she clearly had never killed anybody. Abigail could relate to that. Suddenly, she felt something very close to sympathy.
– Hey, are you alright? – she stepped closer to Impala and put a hand on her shoulder. – Well, of course you aren’t, what a stupid question! It’s only natural to be scared in a situation like this one. But the only thing that matters now is not to get caught, do you hear me? These men are dead, there’s nothing you can do about it now. Neither regret nor remorse will help. So let’s just make sure that we can get away with it.

Отредактировано Abigail Hobbs (2015-12-19 20:12:01)

– Oh, damn it! – Abigail exclaimed almost angrily when she heard police radio communicator working in the car. At the moment, she could not imagine anything more inconvenient, and she had no idea how to deal with a problem like that. Unfortunately, Hannibal had not instructed her about what she is supposed to do when getting away with murder becomes considerably more complicated than simply hiding the bodies.
– Well, what I know for sure is that we mustn’t answer. We don’t have the right voices for that, you see, – despite of the altogether troubling situation, Abigail smirked. – So the only thing we can do now is get rid of the officers as soon as possible. And get rid of your car as well because they must’ve already reported your plate number. Sorry, but you’ll just have to steal someone else’s vehicle.
Abigail didn’t like that they just kept standing there and discussing stuff instead of actually doing anything. They didn’t have much time, but she still couldn’t manage to come up with a feasible and more or less safe plan. There were too many risks to consider, too many unfavourable possibilities.
– Okay, maybe you’re right. Maybe it’s better to put them inside of their own car so that it’ll be safer to get them away from here. People aren’t likely to be suspicious about police cars, that’s for sure, – Abigail tried to think everything through, but it was rather hard to do so when she didn’t have more than a couple of minutes for all her planning. She was beginning to get nervous about the whole situation. She felt slightly annoyed that she couldn’t simply put the responsibility on someone else, like she used to do it when she had been under Hannibal’s protection. Only now did she begin to realize how easy it had been with him, how safe. But it was obviously a bad idea to think about that, since she couldn’t come back. She had already destroyed every possibility of returning.
– So let’s do that, let’s put them in their car, – she concluded, not willing to waste any more time on thinking and analyzing. – And then I’ll drive them someplace detached and desolate, hide them as best as I can, but the car… I guess I’ll have to dump it somewhere else because it can be easily tracked. It would be better for us if they won’t be found soon. It would be most convenient if they won’t be discovered at all, but right now we don’t have enough time and means to hide them that good. We’ll just have to do what is within our power and hope for the best.
Abigail shrugged and looked at the dead officer lying beside her feet. She bent over him, picked his legs up, trying to lift them up from the ground. Obviously, she couldn’t do that on her own, so she was just waiting for Impala to help her out.
– As soon as we put them in the car, you drive the hell away from here. I’ll take care of them without you, I can manage that. And you’ll have to take care of your stolen vehicle, like I’ve already said. No talking about what happened here, no sharing with friends and family. Just forget it as if it was a really bad dream, got it?
It felt rather weird to go on instructing Impala as if Abigail knew everything there was to know about killing. Well, at least she was sure that she knew more than her unfortunate companion, and it was enough to consider her own self as the one in charge of the situation. When they finally put the first officer inside of the police car, Abigail did not wait before heading off to get the other one out of the trunk.
– And there’s more, – she added, stopping beside the trunk. Her voice was raspy after carrying the dead body, her breathing uneven, but that did not prevent her from talking. – You have to leave something of yours with me. Something personal. Something you cherish but can live without. No offence, but I’ll need something like that to make sure that you won’t talk and won’t get me in trouble after we go our separate ways. You know what I mean?
She turned to Impala, waiting for an answer. She was sure that she deserved some guarantee for taking care of the bodies on her own. Although it would have been safer to kill the girl as well.

Отредактировано Abigail Hobbs (2015-12-20 13:43:25)

There was something painfully familiar in what Impala said and in the way she said it. Abigail paused for a moment, grasping for breath, looking for words. There was something oddly similar between her and her crime partner but she could not put a finger on it. She just knew that she did not want to kill the girl, did not want to cause her any kind of harm because they were alike in some hardly distinguishable way. In other circumstances or in another life they could have been friends. Standing in the middle of nowhere, next to the empty road and two dead bodies, they could be only strangers bound by a common secret. Abigail let out a sigh. Grabbed officer’s ankles to get him out of the trunk but did not do it right away – once again, she was waiting for Impala to help her out.
– I’m not sure whether I believe you but… whatever. I can relate to what you’re saying, so I’m not gonna ask you for anything. I guess I’ll just have to trust your word because I don’t wanna kill you as well, – that was supposed to be a joke but Abigail’s voice sounded too solemnly and her slight smirk was gone from her pale face.
– So help me to carry this one too, and then we’ll be done. You better hurry up, we’ve been lucky so far, but I doubt that our luck is going to last for long.
Abigail tried lifting up officer’s legs but he turned out to be as heavy as he was tall. She was rather surprised by this discovery because the older officer appeared wiry and malnourished. His uniform did not quite fit his lanky frame, and his cheeks were so hollow that there was a weird similarity with a skull about his tired face. Suddenly, Abigail though that maybe she had done him a favour. When she had seen him for the first time, it had not appeared to her that he had been enjoying his life at all. He had been an exhausted, drained, broken man, who kept on living only because he had had no other choice. Abigail gave him a choice. Abigail gave him a release, setting him free from his own exasperated body. She preferred to see it that way.

When both officers were already in the car, she approached the driver’s seat, thinking about her future and yet unknown destination. When she was sitting in front of the wheel, putting the seatbelt on, she turned her head to look at Impala.
– Hey! – she exclaimed to get the girl’s attention. And she realized that she didn’t know what to say. Why she had wanted Impala’s attention in the first place?
– Take care of yourself, alright? – she said in a quiet and soft voice after a brief moment of silence. – And I think you’re wrong. Hope is an option. Without it, we’d be lost and our lives would be purposeless. No matter what, we have to believe in something greater waiting ahead of us, and keep moving on because this is what life is all about. I’ve no family and friend just like you, Impala. I’ve seen monsters, I’ve seen death, and I’ve seen those parts of myself which I didn’t quite like. But I still choose to hope. I still believe that I’m going somewhere… better. And I wish the same for you.
Abigail felt like saying more than that, but there was no time for talking. So she stopped rather abruptly, nodded at Impala, and tried to start the car. She still wasn’t sure about where she was going to drive, but she was ready. Besides, what other choice did she have?